There has been no shortage of scandal this election season. At times, one feels as if they have been transported to an episode of House of Cards, Veep or, well, Scandal! But, as unrelatable as many find the presidential candidates to be, many would be surprised to find much in common with their scandals. Which scandal fits you? Take The DePaulia’s quiz to find out.
1. It’s Saturday night. Where are you?
a) Shotgunning beers outside a house party in front of a crowd of admirers. They wish they could chug a beer in less than eight seconds like you.
b) In your studio apartment watching Netflix. Nobody invited you out. You genuinely do not care.
c) At a River North club buying $15 cocktails that you cannot afford. It doesn’t matter. 2 Chainz is playing at Underground tonight and your snapstory is going to be doooooooope.
d) Chilling on a porch with your closest friends, relishing in your group’s general awesomeness. Ain’t nobody messing with your clique, clique, clique.
2. What’s your no. 1 pet peeve?
a) People who think they’re better than you. Why? Because that is IMPOSSIBLE. No one can match your effortless charisma and good looks.
b)When people try to get all up in your business. People don’t need to know where you live. Or your birthday. Or your name.
c) Getting less than 100 likes on an Instagram post. Your caption was on point, that filter was perfect and that posed group shot looked genuinely candid. What else do these people need???
d) Disloyalty. As Tyga (aka the voice of our generation) rapped on Birdman’s “Loyalty,” “Family I love, don’t wanna leave this world alone/I pray to God I won’t, loyalty is all I know.”
3. What’s your favorite Chicago neighborhood?
a) Logan Square. Wicker Park is so 2010.
b) Wherever I know I won’t run into people I know. Small talk? I’ll take a hard pass.
c) Gold Coast. You may be digging yourself into massive debt to pay for it but everyone is crazy jealous of your view. Worth it.
d) Lincoln Park. You moved into the LP your freshman year and you will literally never leave.
4. Where did you watch the World Series?
a) AT WRIGLEY FIELD. Yeah, you’ve got a guy that hooks you up with tickets but it’s no big deal.
b) You didn’t. Why watch just because everybody else is? That’s called herd mentality, people.
c) You paid the $100 cover charge to get into the Cubby Bear. But the memories (and photos from the night that were promptly uploaded to Facebook) are priceless.
d) With your family. Your dad has been waiting for the Cubs to make it this far for quite literally his entire life.
5. Who is your favorite musical artist?
a) LCD Soundsystem. Their show at Lollapalooza this year was life changing.
b) The Smiths. You can really relate to Morrissey’s feeling of being alone in the world. No one understands you!
c) Beyoncé. The woman is perfection. You may or may not own every single piece from her Ivy Park collection.
d) The Beatles. Music has been on the decline since 1969 and no one can tell you any different.
6. Who are you voting for in the presidential election?
a) Oh, I’m voting for a third party candidate and here is a 30-minute rant explaining why.
b) None of your damn business.
c) Donald Trump. We need a man that knows business. And steaks. The steaks are particularly important.
d) Hillary Clinton. Homegirl has been working towards this moment for quite literally her entire adult life. Respect.
Mostly A’s: “Access Hollywood” bus tape – Much like Trump, you feel a great desire to impress everyone you meet (even if that person is the human scum that is Billy Bush). In the future you may want to be careful in your choice of words because you never really know who may hear you. And hey, you may decide years after bragging about your unsolicited groping of women that you want to run for president of the United States!
Mostly B’s: Hillary Clinton emails – You’re a very secretive person. I mean, we’re talking Ron Swanson secretive. The fact that practically everyone in your generation posts personal information online for the world to see is mindboggling to you. It’s reached the point where you refuse to send text messages out of fear that the NSA is following your every move and instead prefer communicating via carrier pigeon.
Mostly C’s: Trump Foundation – There are two things you truly excel at: taking the perfect selfie and mismanaging your money. You’re still pretty upset that Kim Kardashian published a book of selfies before you did, but hey, at least now you know there’s a real market for that kind of thing. As for budgeting, that $200 your mom sent you to help out with textbooks was spent in its entirety on a distressed white t-shirt from the YEEZY Season 3 collection. Whoops.
Mostly D’s: DNC SABOTAGE – If you could be described in one word, it would be loyal. You’re the type of friend that will egg your BFF’s ex-boyfriend’s car because you’re pretty sure he subtweeted her the other day. How dare he. When people were outraged that Debbie Wasserman Schultz may have used her authority as chair of the Democratic National Committee to favor Hillary Clinton and sabotage Sen. Bernie Sanders you just shrugged like, “Hey, I would do the same thing if one of my girls was trying to be the next POTUS.”