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Whether our parents are still married or not, so many of us are children of a divorced generation.   We are the offspring of those that initiated the divorcing trend and have found ourselves defining new roles and new rules when it comes to love, relationships, and happiness.

What are we aiming for and how do we get there when the guiding principle may seem so undefined? 

For those like Amber, a 25-year-old journalism graduate student whose parents are divorced, the idea of marriage is still appealing, even if it may not come easy. 

Amber was in a 5-year relationship and had been engaged to be married. “We recently broke up, maybe about a year and a half ago,” she says as there is no concept of time when it comes to healing.

Trust and communication are the most essential aspects of any relationship, she says.  “If there is not trust and there is no open communication, then there is no relationship.”

Amber also says cheating is a deal breaker. “Don’t cheat like if (it) is a committed relationship,” she says. “Don’t cheat, just say let’s just be friends and we’ll call it a day.”

Amber agrees that trust can be rebuilt, but time is essential to repairing it.

“Whoever violated that trust has to understand that things aren’t going to bounce back to the way they were,” Amber says. “That person felt violated, that person is hurt (but) with time, with love, things can go back together.”

Amber recalls her great-grandparents with a longing smile.  Prior to the sad passing of her great-grandfather, her great-grandparents had celebrated their “Golden” 50th anniversary.

“Of course I want to get married and have kids,” she said as her face lit up, still hopeful of the idea. She says after her engagement ended she says it took her several months to start dating, now she is dating several people.

Though she is surrounded by friends who are tying the knot and goals that may mirror her ancestors, something else seems to take precedent. “Me, I want my career right now,” Amber said.

For Zeshan M., a 25-year old major in Business Administration, even today there are core values that he feels are important to follow and are key to success in a relationship.  Zeshan has been dating someone for two years. His parents are still married.

“If you can build trust and a foundation together, then you can work on differences between each other, and (your different) outlooks on life,” Zeshan said.

Keeping this in mind is essential to moving forward in any relationship because you are aiming towards similar goals with each other, he said.   “If you are personally making a commitment to be with someone all the way, then you expect the same thing in return.”  

Zeshan said cheating is a deal breaker and when the foundation of a relationship is broken, often that should be telling people they are not meant for each other.

 “Trust can come back, but (its) not completely the same,” he said. “Once you shatter the glass, you can rebuild it, but there will always be cracks.”

Zeshan said marriage for him is a possibility but it is important for everyone to take things slow.

 “You have to get your views known in the get-go (about) what you’re looking for,” he says.

Zeshan also said it’s important to understand your partner’s family background. “You have to take into consideration how they grew up so if they’re uneasy about certain things (you know) where they’re coming from.”

So between the demanding careers and school schedules, we also have to navigate confusing text messages, Facebook obsessions, no phone reception, and a digital era or communication.

So how much is this influencing the way we love? The way we lust? The way we trust?

What are our ideas of commitment? And how far do we go to make love last when we are sometimes trying to distinguish between our parent’s success… and their mistakes…

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