As I was finishing the Shamrock Shuffle 8K in March, I saw a big sign. It read something along the lines of ‘runners using running to run from their problems.’ … Well, yeah. 

“Exercise has a dramatic antidepressive effect,” said David Linden, professor of neuroscience at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. “It blunts the brain’s response to physical and emotional stress.”

I started exercising at the recommendation of my therapist to help deal with anxiety, and it works for me. Going to the gym was purely a way to turn my brain, and my intrusive thoughts, off. 

Before the gym, playing violin was my “de-stressor” because it requires so much concentration that I couldn’t think of anything else while playing. Once I stopped playing in college, I didn’t have anything to help manage my anxiety, and it showed. 

I tried different hobbies in search of the feeling of peace that playing the violin brought me, but I couldn’t find it. 

Until I stepped into a gym and found an outlet for my feelings. 

Now well over a year into my “gym girl era,” it is my thing — some might say my entire personality.

Yes, we all start going to the gym partially for the “bettering-your-physical-appearance” aspect, but you stay consistent for the mental aspect. 

As I started the gym, I dreaded cardio — avoided it at all costs. I just wanted to lift heavy dumbbells and do heavy squats. 

I wanted to be “hot-girl fit,” as Sydney Sweeney said in her blockbuster movie “Anyone But You.”

“No, I’m not good at running. I want to build muscle, running will get in the way of that.” 

These were some of the “reasons” that I’d give myself to put off running. 

In June of last year, my trainer Diego Ramírez started a running club. He lowkey demanded that I go support because I was his client, so I did. 

Every Saturday, I would wake up between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. to go run with over 50 people. I said I hated it, but I didn’t. Yes, I was tired and sore for days afterwards, but I felt accomplished, sometimes even at peace. 

Once I moved to Chicago in August 2024, I felt I had lost that. Yes, I couldn’t run with my friends, but that didn’t mean I had to stop running. I realize that now, but it took me all of fall quarter to notice. 

I still don’t think I’m good at running. I don’t consider myself a fast runner, but I am a runner nonetheless. 

I like that I can turn my brain off at times and focus on the task at hand. Living away from home — 2,057 miles to be exact — I needed something to help deal with adulthood and graduate school. Running and the gym are those things for me. 

My therapist reminded me of that during one of our online sessions. She noticed how anxious I was, more than usual, and just said, “have you been running?” 

And I thought “s—…if she noticed maybe my anxiety is getting out of hand again.”

In November, I will run my first half marathon in Puerto Rico. My trainer asked if I was ready to train for it. He explained that the hard part is not the actual event, but the training for it and doing it even when it gets hard. 

What he doesn’t know — because I’ve never admitted it until I started writing this — is that I enjoy running and am looking forward to pushing my body (and mind) to the limit. 

“I can do hard things,” is what I say to myself when life gets rough, and running embodies that. 

So yes, I am running from my problems, but in a healthy way. All the while chasing that runner’s high that everyone raves about. 

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