The first installment (and the only film released so far) in Kevin Smith’s horror trilogy, “True North,” the film stars Justin Long as Wallace Bryton, a man who is turned into a walrus.

Where I watched: DVD

Length: 105 minutes

Prior knowledge of the film: Before I saw this film I thought “This is the Kevin Smith film where Justin Long is like a walrus or something, right?” Yeah, I was spot on.

I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS GENRE

Horror movies are a pain enough to deal with. I’ve spent the past three weeks hardly sleeping and being terrified of being murdered. The last thing I want to see when I’m already sleep-deprived and terrified out of my mind are people being tortured. This is why I didn’t include “Saw” or “The Human Centipede” on my list. I knew Long was turned into a walrus in this film, but I didn’t imagine it would be so gruesome. At least the centipede in “The Human Centipede” looked like humans still, Long’s walrus was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t deal with seeing people be tortured anymore. I hate this genre so much.

Was it actually scary?

Not at all. More funny than scary, but more disgusting than anything else.

Overall consensus

Most of the reviews of this film are bad. Painfully bad. But there are some that say this movie is misunderstood and exemplifies Kevin Smith’s genius. It’s impossible for me to agree with that — it’s kind of just a comedic knock off of “The Human Centipede.” Halfway through the film, all of Long’s dialogue is replaced with a horrendous scream that is awful to listen to after the first scream, let alone multiple more minutes of it. He’s also put into this disgusting walrus suit that left me avoiding looking at my TV for almost the rest of the movie. The funny first half of the film is ruined by the second half, which is only saved by the presence of Johnny Depp as Guy LaPointe