Illinois will be remembered for two things in 2008: our Senator becoming the nation’s president and our governor becoming the nation’s punch-line. The Governator suddenly seems like a serious politician in comparison to the show Blagojevich is putting on; except instead of saying “I’ll be back” he is crying “I won’t leave!” Legitimate media headlines have begun to sound more and more like articles from The Onion and CNN is starting to get more laughs than Comedy Central with segments like:
“Blagojevich continues media tour as trial proceeds”-Fun View women or boring lawyers?
“Governor considered Oprah for Obama’s seat”-Well, she already tells the nation what to read.
“Blagojevich’s Defense Lawyer to Resign”-Even his own lawyer is giving up.
“Governor says impeachment trial is politically driven”-Congress? Political? Unthinkable!
“Poll: Illinois governor named naughtiest politician of 2008”-Playboy started covering the trial?
And what is the court jester up to now? Try reading poetry. No, seriously. In one of his recent press conferences and a media appearance, Blagojevich has given readings of Kipling and Tennyson. In an ABC interview, Blago shared, “I’ve known that poem since I was 15 years old.I wish I could tell you I was in a library reading it, but I was watching the NFL.” His response of course follows suit with a repeated theme of his career: doing something stupid and then when asked for an explanation, saying something stupid.
With Bush out of the public eye, satirists are jumping on Blagojevich to make up for the lack of easy prey. Poet John Lundberg wrote on The Huffington Post, “The absurd scene inspired me to write my own little poem for Blago, based on another English classic, ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci’ by John Keats.” He called the piece “Le Haircut Sans Merci (The Haircut Without Pity)” Here is a sample of his 12- stanza verse:
“The strands were calling out to me,
In lurid ways I can’t forget.
I can still see those wild, wild eyes
And smell the Aqua Net.”
Most of the nation is indeed left with a general sense of conªfusion. “Did he do it?” It seems almost to be a moot question at this point. The evidence is shown in stacks of FBI audio-recordings, the sound of which would be enough to cause Nixon to blush, being played in court along with a long list of allegations from associates and politicians dating back from the start of Blagojevich’s career. In many ways it is a mirror image of Obama’s election. Instead of onlookers counting the ways he could win, there is now a list of ways the governor could lose. The decision now is how will Blagojevich be convicted?
The governor himself will tell you: with a fight. If the details of his conviction are no longer a concern of the public, the question on their minds is “what is he thinking?”
What will he gain from pressing on? When the nation assumes your guilt, the Senate has united against you and even the President suggests you resign, what chance is there for your political career? When your ethics and attention to the law is being determined in court, how is it helpful to avoid the court to be on “Good Morning America?” The simplest answer seems to be the most accurate: Blagojevich is a crook. When the honorable road is too hard and too risky, go for infamy. While he may not rise higher than a footnote next to Britney Spears’ breakdown, he is making sure that he will be remembered.
The funniest part as I see it is that Illinois citizens are the least surprised by any of this. “Your governor is corrupt!” Yeah. We know. We elected him. We expect our elected officials to be corrupt, so long as they get things done. “Your governor is a laughing-stock!” Well duh, have you seen his hair?
“Blagojevich is going to jail!” In Illinois, jail is like the retirement home for governors. He already has a squash game set up in the yard with the last two people who had his job. Blago, don’t expect them to play fair.