Pick a romantic comedy:
a) “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Not only is Kate Hudson GOALS, but it’s pretty upsetting that she ends up with Matthew McConaughey’s character in the end. Your dating mantra is like Donna Meagle’s in “Parks and Reacreation”: “Use him, abuse him, lose him.” You’re so cold.
b) “Titanic.” Who doesn’t want to spend more than three hours watching the tragic love story of Rose and Jack? You still tear up every time you hear Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.”
c)“Bridesmaids,” mostly because the plot has barely anything to do with the wedding and more to do with the hilarious antics of the bridal party. You may or may not have peed your pants during the food poisoning scene, but that’s nothing compared to Maya Rudolph’s character having no choice but to sit in a wedding dress and poop in the street.
Describe your dream Valentine’s Day date:
a) You want your potential boo to show you a good time. That means picking you up in an Uber black car, taking you to a five star restaurant and pulling all the stops to impress your desired self. You could be with anybody on Valentine’s Day and you chose this fool. They better not make you regret it.
b) Honestly, it doesn’t matter as long as you’re with a person that special person. Little Caesars pizza and a Netflix marathon? Pure romance.
c) You haven’t put much thought into it. Valentine’s Day is an overhyped holiday to make people spend money they don’t have as a way of proving their so-called love. You’re not buying into this garbage.
Which of the following best describes your reaction to seeing flowers and heart-shaped chocolate boxes when you walk into a store:
a) Your Valentine’s Date better not go the cheap route. No grocery store flowers accepted, thank you very much! You’ll send your lucky date a list of acceptable v-day gifts. They are not allowed to deter from said list.
b) Valentine’s Day is coming up quick and it’s time for you to save up money so you can get something nice for your boo! Maybe you’ll do something a little more personal, like a handwritten note or a scrapbook with pictures of you two together. How precious.
c) Ugh, it’s that time of year again. Also, why are flowers and chocolates the go-to Valentine’s Day gifts? People should really try something more practical, like a Starbucks gift card or a subscription to the New York Times. Gift cards and newspapers don’t start wilting a couple days after you purchase them!
If you could spend Valentine’s Day with any celebrity, who would it be?”
a) Rihanna. She’s unattainable but you could definitely change that. Before Riri knows what hit her, she’ll have “Love on the Brain.”
b) Well I could only spend Valentine’s Day with a celebrity if your boo is able to tag along. If the celebrity was worthy, you’d be willing to temporarily make your couple a thruple.
Do you watch “The Bachelor?”
a) Absolutely. It’s hilarious watching those women fall all over themselves for some random dude they just met. Have they no self worth? Regardless, you appreciate their lack of pride. It makes for some great television.
b) Oh, definitely not. It’s painful watching the bachelor go from one romantic date where you really think he’s found the one only to make out with another contestant hours later. It’s gross.
c) Only with a group of friends. The show is clearly fake, but the cattiness that emerges is worth the brain cells killed watching the drama unfold.
Mostly As: Yeah you’re single, but a catch like you has zero chance of spending Valentine’s Day alone. Some poor soul who thinks they have a chance with your unattainable self is in for a rude awakening Feb. 15 when you stop replying to their texts, calls and snapchats. Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.
Mostly Bs: You are your significant other are so coupley that your friends are already making jokes about what they’ll say in their wedding toasts. You laugh it off like they’re being ridiculous but deep down you really hope that will be a reality one day. Have fun grabbing dinner and a movie with the person you plan on spending every Valentine’s Day with for the rest of your life. Ugh, couples.
Mostly Cs: You, my friend, are a single pringle. Your dating life may not be the most exciting aspect of your current existence but that is totally fine. It’s 2017, after all! You’re an independent person and you don’t need no man (or woman). Spend Valentine’s Day with your good friends and laugh at all the fools spending unnecessary money on this Hallmark holiday.