Does it feel hard to have small talk with someone today? There’s always so much to consider in a single conversation. Where did that person come from? What language do they speak? What is their political affiliation? What is politically correct? With the added factor of a growing face of social media and the ever-present and obsolete concept that is the Internet, it can be intimidating to jump into a conversation in 2023. 

“The mediums that we use to have conversations are changing.” said Kelsey Nolan, speech-language pathologist. “From phone calls to email, social media, Instagram DMs, Snapchat, FaceTime. Having conversation in our present day can be intimidating and difficult, but there are ways to navigate through this,” she continues.  

We can point fingers at the exhausting pandemic as an accuser to this new issue as well. 

“The level of distractions we are dealing with is incredible compared to previous eras,” said Christen Embry, intercultural communications professor. “While we may automatically think of external distractions, like our smartphones, computers, and other devices, internal distractions are also prevalent.” 

Going into my twenties, I have been doing some trial and error figuring out how to eloquently converse with people from a variety of backgrounds and communities in a way where we can not only understand each other but find common ground and form a connection. This is something many people, especially younger generations, seem to struggle with. Whether it is a family function, an event, or at school, talking to a stranger feels so out of place these days. 

We now live in an environment where labels are a huge contributor to conversations, who we talk to, and if we choose to reach out to people. Many people think finding like-minded people through multiple shared interests will bring ease to new interactions. 

This mindset is self-sabotaging and ostracizing to both parties because there is so much miscommunication and general lack of understanding. If people are willing to put themselves out there and gain new experiences from meeting people who are quite unlike them, it becomes beneficial as a learning moment and a great way for networking. 

“A tool I have used, which is oftentimes associated primarily with many marginalized groups, is code switching,” Nolan said. “The idea that a person could be alternating between two or more languages or dialects or varieties of languages when speaking.”

While this is frequently associated with people in terms of their racial or cultural backgrounds, this is a great way for people to enhance their speaking skills across a variety of groups.

Code switching is sometimes perceived in a negative light or perhaps even as a way to assimilate or “fit in.” I see it from a more optimistic and useful perspective. If everyone put in just enough effort to connect through language and physical mannerisms, conversations would be invigorating, organic, and more personal. 

While it is important to share our opinions and speak our truth, we should consider a few factors before jumping into a conversation with anyone on the street. It is important to be mindful of people’s identities, whether that be cultural, religious, gender, sexuality, just to name a few. 

Conversations regarding these topics are pretty controversial. This does not mean that you should be discouraged from talking to someone regarding these ideas, but be mindful of where each party is coming from and converse in a respectful and understanding fashion. Seems simple enough, but this is something many struggle to understand and relay. 

Communication from region to region and platform to platform is constantly changing. The Covid-19 pandemic caused a major shift in communication and conversation held in person versus online and through a screen. The effects of this are still present today, and people are struggling now more than ever to find normalcy in conversing with anyone in their day-to-day lives. 

According to UAB News, “prolonged social isolation has resulted in growing suspicion and defensiveness against strangers. This, in turn, has created a new issue where many are going out of their way to avoid conversations altogether and struggling to form new relationships.” 

After all, isn’t a central aspect of human nature not human interaction? Forming connections and creating relationships are crucial for the growth of communities globally. 

“How we communicate is constantly evolving and changing,” Embry said. “Broadly stated, everything has impacted conversations.  In the end, though, the desire to understand and be understood is still primary.” We should constantly be going out of our way to share our thoughts with people everyday. 

Next time you go to work, sit down in a classroom, or even join a Zoom call, consider speaking to someone you have never spoken to before. Observe the environment and adjust your speech patterns accordingly. Consider taking time to research and absorb the channels through which others speak. Your conversations, even the small ones, even the first date talks, are going to carry more purpose than you think. Holding a conversation in 2023 doesn’t have to be so difficult.