College life is often described as a time of inevitable change. We’ve all been told that this chapter of our lives, this transition to adulthood, will be filled with excitement and new opportunities. However, it’s likely that in this chapter of our lives we may outgrow relationships and experience the bittersweet feeling of home not being the same. You may have come into college with many relationships from high school that you hope to keep near and dear, but only time can tell whether those will remain with the inevitable change college brings.
College has a way of showing us who we really are and in this process of becoming your own person, it’s often revealed that we’re not the same people we once were. Sometimes that means growing apart from the version of yourself and others you once knew. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s totally normal.
This chapter of our life pushes us to grow and evolve. The process is uncomfortable but it’s a part of the journey to self discovery.
Peter Forster, a media ethics professor, notes that this period of change can feel unsettling because college reshapes us.
“Change is inevitable … it puts you in a state of becoming rather than being,” Forster said.
This shift from “being” to “becoming” can be jarring, but it’s essential for our growth. College challenges us in unexpected ways, like figuring out how to navigate a new city on our own, managing our finances for the first time, or dealing with tough situations without anyone to fall back on. There’s no one else to blame for the decisions we make or the outcomes that follow. And through these experiences, we start to understand our strengths, face our fears and embrace our flaws. This chapter of our lives is about discovering the truest version of yourself, the version of yourself who knows how to rise from every setback.
Outgrowing relationships is a process that often brings with it a lot of doubt. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether the issue lies with you, with the other person or with the circumstances. But the truth is, there’s no one to blame. It can feel disheartening, especially when the times you shared together were sweet and meaningful, but it’s important to recognize that this is growth and it’s natural.
“Instead of blaming yourself for the drift, understand that it’s not a sign of failure but a sign of growth,” Chris Cook, a senior majoring in theater sound design, said. “Some people are meant to be a part of your life for a specific time, an era that shapes who you become.”
As we navigate through life, we often find ourselves drifting away from people we once felt close to. While this can feel unsettling, it’s important to recognize that leaving behind certain chapters isn’t always a negative thing.
“To leave something behind is not necessarily sad … ,” Forster said. “You’re moving toward something as much as you’re moving away from something.”
As time passes and circumstances change, it’s natural for some connections to shift. For freshmen, especially, college is the first taste of how distance and new experiences can affect relationships.
Evie Turley, a DePaul freshman, said her relationships from home have started to fade, not because of a lack of care, but simply because the distance and change in both her and her friends have made it hard to maintain the same closeness.
“It’s not that I don’t care about them still, it’s just like they no longer fit into my life,” Turley said.
This isn’t betrayal, rather it is a natural part of becoming who you’re meant to be. People grow, evolve and sometimes outgrow one another along the way.
As college continues to push us toward personal growth, it’s important to remember that relationships, like everything else, are subject to change.
We often think of friendships as constant, but sometimes, they evolve in ways that no longer fit with who we’re becoming. Every change opens the door to new experiences and possibilities, helping us shape who we’re becoming. Remember, that it’s not about leaving things behind, but about moving toward something greater.
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