Seth Botts takes a deep breath and glances around the room. He smiles as he opens his arms, wide and welcoming, to the congregation at United Church of Rogers Park.
His sermon flows naturally, without hesitation. His words could be regarded in a general sense, if his tone did not suggest he was speaking to an old friend.
He preaches as a man who has lived many lives. He is a man who carries the stories of those who have experienced much more.
His favorite verse, Romans 8:28, reverberates inside his mind. And, every so often, it collides with shame deeply ingrained from his earlier days spent with the Assemblies of God — a Pentecostal playmate that he said “made Missouri Southern Baptists look progressive.”
Botts finds God again and again in the laughter and joy of his congregation and in the trust of giving one’s personhood to another.
God found Botts in the Twelve-Step Program.
Step One – Honesty: We admit we were powerless over substances — that our lives had become unmanageable.
After a little over a year, Botts was declared to have “economic earning potential” by the State of Oklahoma and released early from his 10-year drug sentence at Howard McLeod Correctional Center in Atoka, Oklahoma, circa 2017. Seventy-two hours later, he found himself staring down the barrel of a relapse.
No amount of love, or shame, could have stopped him from pulling that trigger again. He spent the next six months on the streets jumping from abandoned home to trap house where he spent nights alongside other addicts. Minimum wage jobs were gained then lost. His last violation report documented 11 ways he had disobeyed probation guidelines.
“I’ve tried everything,” Botts said. “I wish I could have gotten spiritual relief from a stone or a sweat lodge. Luckily I was able to discover the full grace of God and not the limited or restricted grace of God that I learned as a kid.”
Step Six – Willingness: We’re entirely ready to have God remove all defects of character.
Throughout his recovery, the other members of his program provided Botts with unconditional love that he had not yet experienced in his lifetime. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks became months, Botts focused on mending the remnants of his past.
“I am forever grateful for these people who took in broken and busted me and loved me until I loved myself,” Botts wrote in an online journal entry.
Each and every day, Botts works to perpetuate the love he was given.
Red Holdridge, community care chaplain of United Church of Rogers Park, was raised as a United Methodist, then spent their young adulthood in conservative, evangelical, Christian spaces.
Holdridge found the congregation of United Church of Rogers Park to be the first place they felt comfortable as an out queer and trans person.
“I came to Chicago not feeling safe in church,” Holdridge said. “For us to be able to be our whole selves here, it felt like coming home in a lot of ways.”
Many members of Botts’ congregation have expressed concerns of safety under current administration. He is determined to provide the stability to others that he once needed.
“I worry deeply about my congregation — so many of my (members) are trans,” Botts said. “We’re in the middle of an oppressive empire. We need the church, now more than ever, to provide safe harbor to people’s souls in a world that’s trying to beat them down.”
Alka Lyall finds herself in a similar position with her own congregation at United Methodist Church. Lyall, who has been in the ministry for 25 years, desires to create an inclusive space for all — especially for those who have been rejected by the church in the past.
The United Methodist Church removed its long-standing ban of LGBTQ+ clergy and same-sex weddings on May 4, 2024. To Lyall, a wedding was a wedding and, before the ban was removed, she married couples at the risk of suspension.
“The common belief is that the church is against human identity outside of the commonly accepted identity and that churches are closed groups,” Lyall said. “It is important for churches like us to counter the common narrative. There are churches that welcome people, that are trying to live out the God-given mandate that (we welcome all).”
Step Twelve – Service: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
“What can happen when we’re fully willing to trust God?” Botts asked his congregation at the end of his sermon, pausing to let his eyes meet each member of his congregation. “Transformation so powerful you can’t help but share it with others.”
Botts concludes his sermon with a passionate yet prideful ‘thank you.’ After the closing prayer, he takes each and every individual by the hands as they approach. He knows most by name and for those new to the Sunday service, he is quick to introduce himself.
No one is undeserving to Botts.
Botts, now seven years sober, carries himself with internalized patience and acceptance. There are moments where he feels himself backsliding — in those moments he remembers those who loved him unconditionally. In those moments, Botts reminds himself of God’s love.
“We grew up with a God that was put in such a small box,” Botts said. “God is inside the box. God is outside the box. God is the box.”
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