100 dates in one year – that was the goal of Emyli Lovz’s experiment that began in 2011.
Averaging two dates per week, she documented everything: the successes, failures and patterns in her dating experiences. As her “experiment” continued, Lovz found that some men were interested in hearing her feedback. Providing this feedback laid the groundwork for her dating coach business of today: emlovz.
Her experiment concluded after 101 dates with 52 different men and Lovz solidified her theory: “Do the work to find the right partner from the start, then we can avoid divorce and unhappiness in the long run.”
She didn’t go into her experiment searching for love, but along the way, she met her husband, Thomas Anthony, on one of her 101 dates. The two now run emlovz together, a dating service encouraging their students to use a method called “Mega-Dating.”
Mega-Dating is the process of going out with multiple people in the hopes of identifying unhealthy dating patterns, restructuring old habits and defining an individual’s ideal characteristics in a partner. Throughout their program, Lovz and Anthony encourage their students to go on 20 dates in 90 days. Anthony said to get a good sample size, it averages out to be about dating eight to 12 people in the span of three months – though it varies for each person.
Lovz compared Mega-Dating to choosing a college or buying a car. She asks, when looking at colleges, do you choose the first one you tour? Do you buy the first car that you see? What if there was another college that was the perfect fit and you didn’t even look into it? What if you could have gotten the same car for $20,000 less? The goal for emlovz is to avoid settling.
“It’s about comparing and contrasting different potential partners,” Lovz said. “Because our focus is on forever love, we think it is really important that you make the right choice in that. It’s such a big decision, you want to be well-informed.”
Lovz discussed two insecure attachment styles: avoidant and anxious. An anxious person would be described as “clingy” or “annoying,” while an avoidant person tends to “avoid” relationships and intimacy. Lovz said the Mega-Dating course corrects for both. It defuses the energy of an anxious person by having lots of dating partners, their energy is exhausted and they’re not allowing themselves to get “clingy” with one person. The avoidant person now has an external goal — 20 dates in 90 days — which forces them to act in the dating sphere.
emlovz services are for life and include a video program, weekly group coaching calls, membership in their private FaceBook group, a workbook and access to a variety of different, specialized coaches. They are based online, allowing members to complete this program anywhere in the country.
There are 12 members on the emlovz team. Their specialties range from anxiety coaches to mock date experts to holistic sex and intimacy coaches.
“The most successful people in the world have the most mentors, they have the most coaches and they know they can get better at whatever they want to learn,” Lovz said.
Their clientele includes men and women of all ages, all across the country, but emlovz often works with divorcees and widowers — those who have not had to navigate the dating scene in many years.
They have their members utilize dating apps and teach them how to structure their profiles thoughtfully, in a way that works with the algorithm. Lovz said it is the most effective tool for dating if you know what you are doing.
“At the end of the day you have two choices in life,” Anthony said. “You can stay stuck and you can keep doing the same things over and over and over again and get the same results, or you can try something new, take a chance and change.”
Darshil Amin, a former student turned dating and confidence coach, joined emlovz after not dating for 15 years. He was married and then entered a long-term relationship after his divorce.
Amin said navigating the dating scene was especially difficult because coming out of those long-term relationships, dating had completely evolved. Before his marriage, people didn’t use dating apps to connect with others.
“I had tried the old, traditional way of going through things,” Amin said. “It didn’t work out for me in the end. I thought (Mega-Dating) was a better approach. After I get into a relationship I will be happier, because I still have that satisfaction that I did go out and look.”
For all ages looking to be in a committed relationship, Lovz stresses the importance of communication. With dating apps, she said people often forget there is another person on the other side of the screen.
“It would be better if we just told the truth: ‘Hey, I’m not interested, but good luck to you,” Lovz said. “That is one of the biggest mistakes people make, they don’t treat others with respect.”
The advice Anthony has for college students is to be open and allow yourself to meet new people every day. Also, learn how to be social without alcohol.
“Try to do one or two in-person events per week, even if it’s a group exercise class or a party,” Anthony said. “Expand your social network — if you’re in your 20s you gotta keep meeting people and putting yourself out there. You can get where you want to be dating-wise, just through friends. But that takes effort, it’s a manual process.”
