I have known and loved my best friend for almost 18 years.
Olivia and I met when we were two. In her driveway we sat eye-to-eye on the pavement and she, without any warning, slapped me across the face. To her father, she justified her abuse by saying I had “blueberry eyes.” Not a good reason, but true nonetheless.
Our parents didn’t stop trying to get us together and we have been inseparable ever since. Even me moving almost two hundred miles away hasn’t caused our friendship to falter.
For years we grew together, two vines snaking up a fence, entwining in each other as time went on. We said it then and we say it now: “without each other, we wouldn’t be us.” There is not one person who knows me that can say they don’t know her too. “We were girls together,” as park benches and Delaney Bailey would say.
From the way we laugh to what we laugh at, there are not many definable differences between us besides our appearance.
I often think about this comparison. I sit and wonder who I would be if I had never known her — the length of our friendship making it nearly impossible to determine whose traits were originally whose at the start, if there was any discernible difference in the first place.
Jordan Horwath, who holds a DePaul doctorate in clinical psychology with an emphasis on child developmental psychology, doesn’t think there’s a way to tell.
“It’s a constant feedback mechanism,” Horwath said. “It’s kind of always feeding into each other.”
Horwath calls this a “both-and” situation. The longevity of our relationship makes it difficult to tell where we each stand singularly, so there aren’t many traits that can be determined exclusively. We’re shaped by both each other and some other external forces.
“So, the idea of your behavior’s influencing her behavior, and in turn, her behavior is influencing your behavior … so it’s like the chicken and the egg, and the answer is both, both are right,” Horwath said.
Colin Staub, a DePaul senior, has known Cole Beaulieu since preschool. Similar to Olivia and I, they lived only a few houses down from each other growing up and fostered an extremely close friendship.
“Cole is like the brother I never had,” Staub said. “We have been friends for nearly our entire lives, and that is not something most people can say.”
The two had a fight during their sophomore year of high school. Staub claims it was one of the worst things he’s ever experienced.
“When you have known someone for so long … and one day they disappear, it breaks you,” Staub said.
Olivia and I never experienced a big fight. She often held her tongue and put up with my mental health slips and more identity crises than I can count.
That’s what makes me value her more than any other childhood friendship that came and went. It’s the idea that she stayed, that we made it past the rough patches and stuck it through to where we are now. We often joke that if we made it through middle school together, we’ll make it forever.
Alex Mite, a Marquette University student, has been best friends with Bridget Byrne for 11 years. They, similar to Staub and Beaulieu, also went through a high school conflict.
“We have only got into one argument that really hurt me,” Mite said. “We didn’t talk about it for a long time which made things awkward … but when you’re friends for that long you kinda just get over it and realize it’s not that big of a deal.”
She also thinks hardships brought them closer together. Bridget attends the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater, making them farther apart than they’ve ever been after attending the same school their whole lives. Mite claims their relationship has never been closer.
“I’m meeting new people and in the back of my mind thinking ‘they don’t understand me how Bridget does,’” Mite said. “I don’t have any doubt we will be best friends for the rest of our lives. I think I know her better than I know myself.”
I find myself thinking about Olivia in a similar way, that the separation grew us closer.
During our interview, Horwath was interested in hearing more about Olivia and I’s relationship. He claimed these friendships with little to no conflict are uncommon from a developmental standpoint. After I rambled about our friendship, for probably way too long, he agreed that what she and I have is rare and will most likely withstand the test of time.
“It’s cool that you guys have that … I think you should cherish it. It’s not something that is easily found and you can’t fake that,” Horwath said. “Like that’s something that’s real. It’s real and it has history behind it.”
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