“Accountability,” “setting boundaries” and “protecting your peace” have all become popular buzzwords in recent years on social media. Where do we put a limit between protecting our peace versus encouraging toxic individualism and isolation?
“I draw the line at protecting my peace when the proposed situation or individual will affect my productivity, my mental health and/or my safety,” public policy major Clev’anique McClatchey-Edwards said.
Conflict resolution has lost its meaning and has, in turn, resulted in broken friendships, heightened drama, increases in fights and violence and even bullying. We are not “protecting our peace” when we are exercising conflict avoidance and apathy.
Managing conflict and creating personal boundaries is something every person must learn to deal with in a variety of ways throughout their life.
This is hard to do when we use fluff concepts like “protecting our peace.” It’s statements like these that allow individuals to not take accountability for their actions, whether that be cancelling on friends or distancing themselves from relationships when an issue occurred.
Contrary to recently popularized beliefs, remaining silent or drawing back from issues will not protect you.
When younger generations resort to using phrases like “protecting my peace” to be excused from a situation, there’s a blatant lack of conflict resolution. Accountability needs to be taken when excusing oneself from plans, commitments, etc.
“I believe that people generally lack the ability to take accountability for their actions, and ghosting is an accessible option and response to refraining from taking accountability,” McClatchey-Edwards said.
Social media platforms amplify this toxic culture by normalizing individuals doing whatever they decide is best for them, further encouraging widespread disengagement with others. It creates a space for practicing negative behaviors such as ghosting, the digital concept where someone will abruptly cut off communication online with another person without any explanation.
Instead of embracing self-reflection and addressing lingering mental isolation five years after Covid-19, selfishness has been enforced by people abusing concepts like “protecting their peace” in daily conversation to get out of commitments or avoid interaction altogether.
At a time when people experienced widespread isolation during the Covid-19 lockdowns, the reliance on surface-level solutions, such as ghosting, only exacerbated the challenges of rebuilding social connections.
When I first transferred to DePaul and tried desperately to make friends, as soon as there was any conflict or difference, they went silent and never spoke to me again.
This made me feel even more lonely amidst settling into a new school and new environment. Moments like these — with lack of communication or clarity — put me in a corner and created a new fear in trying to form friendships moving forward.
I’m not alone in this either, as I spoke with more students in various classes, I heard other such similar experiences in which they were left with zero explanations after a simple disagreement with a friend, peer, roommate, classmate, ect.
Hearing situations like mine made me realize that this struggle to practice confrontation was affecting several relationships within my community and it was discouraging to see it impact so many young people in a way that minimized their feelings and interest in forming and keeping connections with others.
“Protecting your peace” does not provide mutual understanding, trust and strong connections. Instead, it has become the very antithesis of what it claims to represent.
Rather than allowing a space for self-care and comfort, it holds an individual back from personal growth in terms of how to communicate in close relationships and practice accountability. It also creates a world in which an individual has become comfortable with topic avoidance in uncomfortable situations.
“I believe the connection between topic avoidance and the lack of conflict resolution is directly interrelated,” Veronica Appleton, a professor of communications and organizational theory at DePaul, said.
“The increased intake of information from social media, television news notifications, AI developments and political/religious issues, has heightened the desire to stay informed while wanting to plug away to maintain peace, and to mitigate disinformation,” Appleton said.
This issue of unplugging is especially prevalent among older Gen Z. In 2020, this generation was listed as the loneliest generation, surpassing millennials and Gen X, according to the Ballard Brief Research Library.
When “protecting your peace” becomes an excuse to avoid issues in every relationship — online or in person — it weakens social connections by encouraging social barriers.
There’s a fine line between self-care and selfishness. When “protecting your peace” is overused, it creates an imbalance, and the repercussions range from emotional distancing to other harmful situations.
“Protecting your peace” shouldn’t look like avoidance. Instead, it should look like asking for clarification from friends and family members after a conflict, sharing our feelings and thoughts with one another, giving a hug to someone in need and increasing empathy in all aspects of our daily lives.
“From setting boundaries to practicing active listening skills, being present can provide the necessary foundation to resolve conflict,” Appleton said.
What seems like a melodramatic and harmless phrase provides tangible evidence towards the long-term effects of miscommunication, extreme detachment from social groups and the erosion of empathy in our society.
Small trends and phrases such as “protecting your peace” can quickly elevate social issues when we don’t acknowledge the nuances of our language, tone and ability to handle conflict with one another.
This shift can become second nature if we change our language. Consider changing “I can’t believe they said that, I’m not responding at all,” to “I was hurt by what you said, I’d really love to talk about this further so we move on.”
As easy it may seem to hide behind avoidant language, it can be just as easy to be more open through positive verbal exchanges in our communication with those close to us.
“Prioritizing self-care while recognizing self-awareness in one another is one of the greatest talents we can develop as humans,” Appleton said.
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