You may have heard the saying, “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” And when you think about it, it’s true — the more time you spend around someone, the more you start to reflect pieces of them. 

Take roommates, for example. Even if you’re not particularly close, you might catch yourself using their lingo, listening to their taste in music or mirroring their habits without meaning to. We’re easily influenced, often without realizing it.

That’s why the people you choose to spend your time with really matter. The friends you choose shape more than just how you spend your days — they shape how you see yourself and what you believe you’re capable of. True friends are the ones whose influence lifts you up instead of holding you back. They’re the ones you look forward to seeing — the ones that leave you feeling lighter, happier and remind you of your true potential. 

Not every friendship has that effect. Sometimes, even the friends we care about most can unintentionally hold us back. They might be supportive on the surface, but the moment you start second-guessing what you want or bending your choices to match theirs, it becomes clear something is off. It’s important to remember that your path doesn’t have to match theirs — and theirs shouldn’t take away from yours. 

I’ve seen it happen more than once. Two friends go after the same opportunity — maybe a club position, a scholarship or a project they’re both excited about — and only one of them ends up getting it. And sometimes, the one who succeeds steps away or downplays their win so the other doesn’t feel left behind. At first, it might look like loyalty, or like being a “good friend,” but honestly that’s a red flag. If you’re stepping back just to keep someone else comfortable, it can be a sign that the friendship isn’t fully supporting your growth. 

When that happens, it’s easy to convince yourself that stepping back is the “right” thing to do. But that’s not loyalty — it’s obligation. And it doesn’t help either of you. True friendship shouldn’t make you feel guilty for going after what you want.

Kendra Knight, an associate professor in the College of Communication whose expertise is in interpersonal and relational communication, said, “Sometimes it helps to take a step back and imagine you’re giving advice to someone else in your situation. If you heard a friend say they were sacrificing everything just to keep a friendship peaceful, would you tell them that was healthy, or would you tell them they needed better boundaries?”

In other words, healthy friendships allow for growth without guilt. Knight emphasizes that these relationships are built on trust and mutuality. 

“Trust means you can be vulnerable — whether that’s sharing a success or a disappointment — and know your friends will respond with support,” she said. “Mutuality means that support goes both ways; it isn’t one-sided or competitive, but genuinely rooted in wanting good things for each other.”

In real friendships, the supportive ones are there even when it stings a little. Watching your friend get something you wanted, or move ahead in a way you haven’t yet, can be uncomfortable. But that discomfort is part of what makes it real. It shows that they’re rooting for you because they genuinely care about your growth. 

Being happy for someone else’s success doesn’t take away from your own —  it’s proof that your friendship is strong enough to celebrate each other, even when it may be difficult to do so. 

Frank Marino, a DePaul sophomore studying film and TV, adds, “Although it is easy to compare your success to a friend’s, it is important to decenter yourself and celebrate the fact that someone you care about is achieving their goals and doing what’s best for them.”

Your success isn’t tied to anyone else’s. We all move on different timelines, chase different goals and define success in our own way. Genuine friends don’t keep score or expect you to follow their path, they celebrate you simply for going after your own.

And sometimes, friendships are just meant for a season — but for a reason. Maybe their company is exactly what you needed during that chapter of your life. Once their purpose is fulfilled, the chapter naturally closes. Outgrowing relationships is okay, it doesn’t make them any less meaningful, it just means they served their purpose at the right time.

Maryah Karim, a DePaul senior studying accounting and management information systems, explains how friendship is an ever-evolving relationship.

“Some friends are there through all the changes you go through. They lift you up and help see you through the difficult times. Other friends serve a purpose in a specific time of your life, and it’s ok that they’re not there for the entire journey. As you evolve, so do your friendships, and that’s completely normal,” she said. 

Even when a friendship has served its purpose, stepping away can still feel surprisingly isolating. 

“It’s hard to step back from a friendship because we’re taught they’re supposed to last forever,” Knight said. “Romantic relationships might end, but friendship breakups feel isolating even though they happen more often than we admit.”

At the end of the day, friendship isn’t about doing everything together or following the same path. It’s about feeling supported while you grow, and knowing it’s okay if your paths change. Sometimes friendships fade, and that’s not a failure, it just means they served their purpose.  

Friendships can be complicated, but the good ones are the ones you genuinely look forward to sharing life with. Life pulls people in different directions, and the friendships that are truly meaningful are the ones that support you, inspire you and leave you better than they found you.

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