Social media has given us, as a society, the ability to dictate our lives and relationships with one another. Think about it: a like, comment, follow, share or repost holds real significance.

When two people stop following each other, we don’t ask what happened — we just assume something did. Even something as simple as a Snapchat snap score comes loaded with assumptions, shaping how we perceive someone’s social life or intentions. 

And the videos we repost? Those aren’t random either, we repost videos to show others what we relate to and what we want them to know about us. These features weren’t necessarily designed to explain who we are, yet we use them to do exactly that.

Somewhere along the way, we stopped focusing on what people actually say and started decoding what their online behavior might mean. We’re no longer asking, “What did they say?” but “What did they mean by not saying anything?”

That’s where things start to get messy. When every tap, swipe and click feels like it carries emotional weight, likes become confirmations of approval, views feel like a measure of relevance and followers. Suddenly, they’re a scorecard for popularity. Even ratios like how many people you follow versus how many follow you somehow say something about your social status. It’s crazy how our world has given numbers and buttons on an app so much emotional weight.

Rowan Cavanaugh, a DePaul sophomore studying political science with a sociology minor, explains his perspective on social media metrics. 

“I think followers on social media give a false impression of people,” Cavanaugh said. “None of it actually matters. It’s just a way to judge people or to make yourself feel better by having more followers than someone.” 

That aligns with what Paul Booth, a professor and associate dean at DePaul University’s College of Communication, points out even small online interactions carry meaning beyond the screen. 

“Tiny gestures like likes or unfollows start to feel like real signals of someone’s feelings,” he said. “We’re using digital cues to fill in emotional gaps that used to come through in face‑to‑face interactions.”

All of this feeds straight into performance. When every action holds so much value, it easily turns into a space to judge and be judged. It’s no wonder we start curating our online selves with care — and a little anxiety. 

We post what we think will get attention, share what makes us look relatable or interesting and even hold back things that might be “too much” or misunderstood. Insecurity becomes the engine of performance: the more we worry about how others perceive us, the more we tailor our digital selves, often at the expense of authenticity.

“Our brains love quick feedback. Instant gratification. Social media turns our social life into a game,” Booth said. “Even when we know it doesn’t really measure our worth, it still triggers a sense of reward or disappointment.” 

That buzz of a notification or the lack of one becomes a psychological nudge, encouraging us to keep performing, tweaking our posts and curating our lives in ways that are impressive to others. 

On top of that, social media has fundamentally altered how we perceive relationships, giving us the illusion of closeness without reality. We feel like we “know” people just from their posts, even when we’ve never actually met them. I’ll see faces around campus that I only recognize from their stories, or find myself following someone before we’ve even been properly introduced. 

Yet this sense of familiarity is very surface-level. Even with friends that you actually know, watching someone’s story can feel like checking in, but knowing where they spent the weekend or what they posted doesn’t tell you how they are really doing. Relationships feel maintained through social media, but they lack depth.

 Zunaira Ansari, a DePaul sophomore majoring in English and minoring in business, reflects on how social media creates the illusion of connection. 

“As someone who has social media, I think its impact on society is much more profound than we realize,” she said. “We communicate without actually speaking or even texting others, through liking stories and posts and taking 15 seconds to comment on a part of someone else’s life they chose to share.”

This shift in how we connect has changed the way we communicate. Ghosting, targeted posts and “soft launches” have become the new normal, letting us avoid conversations seamlessly. At the same time, these little rules shape how we share our relationships and how we perform for everyone scrolling through our feed. 

Emma McClellen, a film and TV major with a minor in music studies, explains how response times and ignored messages online have taken on more meaning than intended.  

“Obviously, social media is a great way to stay in contact with friends, whether it’s because of distance or time spent apart,” she said. “However, I don’t think social media should dictate how you feel about someone. For example, if someone doesn’t respond to an Instagram DM or Snap, it shouldn’t damage that friendship — but in reality, sometimes it does.”

What’s crazy is that social media can dictate so much of our lives — all of it playing out on an app in our pocket. 

Social media isn’t just a platform anymore; it’s a space that gives us a reason to judge, perform and connect, even though it is just an app. While it is unlikely that this dynamic will change anytime soon, the way individuals respond to it can. At the end of the day, a like, view, or an unfollow is just a button. These digital actions should not carry more weight than real conversations, real friendships, or real-life experiences. After all, an unfollow shouldn’t sting like it does.

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