I’d imagine deciding upon a band name used to be simple. Someone would suggest a dumb mashup of words between slugging beers and waking up the neighbors in his mom’s garage, and the others wouldn’t have a better idea. Then there’s a show, you use the name on a gig poster and then it’s settled.
But then the Internet came around, and when making their Bandcamp and developing their online presence, they discover there’s already 50 bands with the same name. Suddenly, they fear their name isn’t search engine optimized and add in some triangles or exclamation points and completely devise a new set of characters to accurately describe their “vibe.”
Now there’s Fun. and Deadmau5, and it keeps getting worse. Mark my words, soon we’ll have a band that just goes by the “shrug” emoji. Here are some good bands, with bad, search-friendly names.
1. Alvvays — “Archie, Marry Me”
Presumably, two v’s look like one w, so why not be more searchable? Problem is, I’m still pronouncing it “All-vays” which makes me sound dumb, so thanks.
2. CHVRCHES — “We Sink”
These guys are one of the original SEO-friendly bands — they’ve actually admitted to using the technique — and their viral electropop sound probably doesn’t hurt either. I’ll forgive them because Lauren Mayberry has a journalism degree, so you know, solidarity.
3. DIIV — “How Long Have You Known?”
So DIIV was originally Dive or DIVE, but there’s already a band with that name (oops) so they had to change it. But, Zachary Cole Smith, no one forced you to name your album, “Oshin.” I get that DIIV is made up of a bunch of chill dudes who look like they need a shower and a home-cooked meal, but come on.
4. Wavves — “King of the Beach”
Nathan Williams isn’t afraid to admit his stoner tendencies, and his band name — in addition to naming his second album “Wavvves” — makes it look like he took a few too many tokes and let his finger press the “v” key a little long.
5. Majical Cloudz — “Impersonator”
Devon Walsh’s project name reminds me of Lisa Frank’s artwork. I can imagine some 5-year-old in ‘95 writing a story about unicorns dancing in the rainbow “Majical Cloudz.” Even worse, Walsh’s Twitter name is just a mess of hieroglyphic characters.
6. tUnE-yArDs — “Bizness”
Look, I love Merrill Garbus. She’s armed with one of the most unique, powerful vocals and percussive takes on melody in the indie pop sphere today. But wow, why did you have to do the alternating uppercase to lowercase thing with your name? Writing about their Pitchfork set last summer required way too much time due to the constant need to hit shift.