St. Vincent’s DeJamz to blast as loud as possible

(Graphic by Max Kleiner / The DePaulia)
(Graphic by Max Kleiner / The DePaulia)

If you’ve ever had a conversation with me you will have seen me give that fake smile and nod of acknowledgment like I actually heard what you said and enjoyed it. In reality, I can’t hear a thing. I’ve spent the past 10 years of my life blasting my iPod as loud as I possibly could.

Why would I ruin my ears to such an extent, some people may ask. The answer is obvious and the reason why I do anything that I do, to look cool. Although my personality and overall appearance end up ruining any chance I have at looking cool, here are some of my favorite songs to blast on my iPod to have people look at me a certain way.

1. Carly Rae Jepsen — “Boy Problems”

Every song on Carly Rae Jepsen’s 2015 album “Emotion” is incredible, but “Boy Problems” is a step above the rest in regards to how fun it is to listen to. I hope when people hear this obnoxiously blasting, they think I’m just as fun as the song is.

2. The Velvet Underground — “Heroin”

There’s no denying that The Velvet Underground was one of the coolest bands in history, and Lou Reed was one of the coolest men to ever live. While I normally have obnoxious pop music blasting out of my headphones, I also find time to look cool and genuinely enjoy amazing bands like The Velvet Underground.

3. Korn — “Freak on a Leash”

While most of the time I ruin my hearing in order to look cool, sometimes I need to look tough and intimidating. As a woman who is 5’1”, this is nearly impossible, so I need some help from nu metal bands like Korn. Maybe on the train I look like someone who can be messed with, but take a few steps closer and hear Jonathan Davis screaming about being a freak coming from my earbuds and you’ll know not to mess. I may just be a freak on a leash as well.

4. Hilary Duff — “So Yesterday”

If there’s anything that’s cool right now it’s ‘90s nostalgia. Since I’m not cool, I’m really into ‘00s nostalgia, so in order to embrace nostalgia, sometimes I jam out to Hilary.

5. Bully — “Trying”

I genuinely love Bully, and all the songs on their album “Feels Like.” In addition to them being great, they’re also such a cool band, and I know I exude musical knowledge and get cool-girl credibility whenever people can hear them blasting from my iPod.

6. Carrie Underwood — “Before He Cheats”

When most people look at me, it’s pretty obvious that I spend most of my time crying and listening to emo and indie music, but sometimes I like to defy what they think about me and crank out genres like country. One of my favorite songs, “Before He Cheats,” is such a powerful and inspiring song. Carrie Underwood is not a woman who is going to be messed around with, and neither am I. I hope people overhearing this song pick up on that rather than thinking I’m just an emo who is accidentally playing this song.