One year ago, I strode across the street to the Walgreens inside the Howard Brown Health Center. Shaking with anxious excitement, I donned a mask and asked for my newest prescription: 2mg of Estradiol and 50mg of Spironolactone, each taken orally once per day.

In retrospect, I realize this was a tiny dosage of estrogen and testosterone blockers, one meant to wean someone onto the effects of transitioning while allowing them a quick out if they decided medically transitioning wasn’t for them. For all intents and purposes, it was a placebo.

I stood alone in my living room, letting the small blue pill form of estrogen disintegrate underneath my tongue. It was difficult to keep my mouth shut for the approximate 15 minutes it would take for it to fully dissolve — I could not stop smiling like an idiot. So what if it was a placebo? It was a step in the right direction, one that I had thought impossible for nearly 20 years.

Looking back upon the halcyon days of early trans-puberty, the euphoria of allowing myself to see myself as a woman for the first time was somewhat naive but nonetheless important. I am endlessly grateful for the girl who took that first step, even if I no longer recognize her. This first year of change has been scored by some of my favorite new artists. Here’s a few highlights.

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