The last thing Pillow Talk hosts Maya Roman and Madison Webb want is for college students to relive the “birds and the bees” talk from home or the classroom.
Pillow Talk seminars help people get to know their bodies and not be ashamed of “all the weird noises and smells and everything that comes with it because it is perfectly natural,” Roman said at the most recent seminar, Sept. 27.
Roman, a DePaul junior, said it is also the group’s goal to teach methods for safe sex to help students “know what’s healthy.”
“We want to create a place where the taboo becomes the norm,” sophomore Webb said.
Roman and Webb began their journey as sex educators when they created the Pillow Talk seminars at DePaul last year. The program is a branch of Planned Parenthood Generation Action at DePaul.
The Wednesday seminar was the first of fall quarter and covered anatomy, misconceptions about sex, grooming and hygiene, body image and sexually transmitted infections. Attendants filled the seats of room 309 in the Arts and Letters building on the Lincoln Park Campus.
The Pillow Talk seminars will be hosted once a month in the same location. Past topics included mental and emotional sex ed, porn literacy, and domestic violence in the media.
“This is something insanely important that needs to be accessible to all students,” said junior Kailey Gielink, an attendee. “I’m here to get the information I wasn’t taught in high school and to be a better ally and advocate.”
If — a big if — students received sex education at school, Roman said they usually start with anatomy diagrams “and then that’s what people go with for the rest of their lives.” Roman wants Pillow Talks’ sex ed discussion to start with the basics before building into more complex ideas.
Roman said most people she encounters do not believe their sex education was adequate in “any way, shape, or form,” whether it was from PE teachers, or those who were taught abstinence education. Some people who come to Pillow Talk had no formal sex education at all.
The most common complaint Roman heard is the lack of LGBTQIA+ inclusive sex education.
The American Academy of Pediatrics states comprehensive sex education is a “critical component of sexual and reproductive health care.” Sex education is a way to develop a “safe and positive view of sexuality, build healthy relationships and make informed, safe choices regarding sexuality and sexual health.”
“People generally think of sex education as being uncomfortable because it’s something we think is really intimate,” Webb said. “But, generally, it’s something all of us have or will experience in our life.”
Roman went on to attribute discomfort with sex to American society’s connection to evangelical Christianity and the impact of purity culture.
“Purity culture took advantage of centuries of misogyny and patriarchy and made it consumable to white Christian evangelical parents in the ‘80s and ‘90s,” said Kendra Knight, an associate professor of communication studies at DePaul who specializes in sexual relationship research.
Knight said people of color, especially women and queer individuals, are more vulnerable to the impact of stigmas surrounding sex.
Because stigmas surrounding sex make the topic difficult to talk about, Knight said individuals are more likely to be uncomfortable exploring sexuality and not have important conversations with partners. These stigma have increased mental health risks and created barriers to reporting sexual violence.
Pillow Talk’s goal is to shed light on these stigmas and “make everyone feel safe in their own skin,” Roman said.
The Pillow Talk hosts encourage students to interrupt and actively participate in the conversation.
Webb said they try to lighten the tension with jokes about our mutual experiences. “They don’t all land,” Webb said. “And that’s ok.”
Webb and Roman say that students teaching each other about sex ed creates a safe space for conversation where they can openly relate to their peers and share experiences.
“We are all just here to learn,” Roman said. “There’s nothing to be ashamed about that.”
