Roger Ebert pretty much summed up most people’s opinions on the 83rd Annual Academy Awards: “This was the worst Oscars [show] I’ve ever endured, and I go back awhile,” wrote the 68-year-old critic. Several critics, thousands upon thousands of live bloggers and commentators all over the Internet agree with Ebert. “It’s really a miracle that hundreds of millions of people still watch this stately parade,” quipped Time’s Richard Corliss. This year’s mostly lifeless parade was watched by 37.6 million viewers stateside. That’s over four million less than last year’s ceremony and almost 20 million less than when “Titanic” swept the Oscars in 1998.

Let’s start off with the hosts, for they have received the majority of the criticism for the 2011 show. For weeks, they were in many (mostly funny) Oscar promos that seemed to ensure a great time at the Kodak for all. It was like the anticipation of a promising, upcoming date. You’re excited for days or weeks on end leading up to the big day. When you reach the date, your hopes of having an outstanding time have been slashed-you set the bar too high. All you want to do by the end is run away and never turn back.

If only this year’s hosts, James Franco and Anne Hathaway, had been as great as they were in the promos. I have to give Hathaway credit for trying her best. She did overdo it at times, like cheering for every single category and presenter (no one is that excited for Best Live Action Short Feature.well, except for the guy who won). Franco was not there at all. He could have at least pretended to care; he is an actor, after all (an Oscar-nominated one at that, a fact everyone kept beating to the ground).

“He’s definitely stoned,” said one friend at the Oscars party I attended. “His eyes are glazy and he has that dumb smirk that stoners get.”

When Billy Crystal appeared on stage, I had hoped that he was the show’s get-out-of-jail-free card. I hoped he would thank Franco and Hathaway for their effort and take over with lively one-liners, taking the audience out of its coma. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Not even the red carpet style could make up for the lacking hosts. “He still has that gross thing on his face?” said someone regarding Christian Bale’s beard. Maybe that was just Bruce Wayne masking his identity as Batman.

The major awards upset was Tom Hooper winning over David Fincher for Best Director. Everyone’s jaw dropped when his name was called. There were some boos; it wasn’t pretty.

I did notice that the camera wasn’t present on Fincher during his speech, unlike the next category, which was Best Actress. When winner Natalie Portman began to speak, the camera briefly captured Annette Bening’s defeated face in the crowd (if it makes you feel better, Annette, Deborah Kerr was up for Best Actress six times and never won).

“How pissed do you think the other nine Best Picture nominees were that their clips were introduced by Spielberg with “The King’s Speech” playing in the background?” commented a reader for the AV Club. When that montage began to air, I knew that “The King’s Speech” was going to win. Some of my friends were praying that “The Social Network” would win, but I knew better. The Oscars play it safe most of the time. The Best Picture Oscar has been awarded to “Crash” over “Brokeback Mountain” and “Good Night and Good Luck,” “Gladiator” over “Traffic” and “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” “Shakespeare in Love” over “Saving Private Ryan.” There are times when a risk is taken (the tragic character drama “Midnight Cowboy” is the only X-rated film to win), but it’s usually unlikely.

Maybe it’s the fact that the majority of the Academy is older and most likely out of touch with progressive, modern cinema. This trend isn’t new: In the 1960s, the majority of the Best Picture winners were outdated, over-the-top musicals from the dying studio system. “My Fair Lady” won over “Dr. Strangelove,” Stanley Kubrick’s dark and brilliant satire on the Cold War. “The Sound of Music” won over “Darling,” a British satire on an ambitious woman climbing the ladder to success; “In the Heat of the Night,” a police drama, won over “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner,” “The Graduate,” and “Bonnie and Clyde,” the crime drama that is often credited for the renaissance of American filmmaking. The Academy honored modern, “progressive” and controversial films in the 1970s such as “The Godfather” (Parts I and II), “The French Connection,” “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” “All the President’s Men,” and “Kramer vs. Kramer.” They regressed in the ’80s when they chose to honor often forgettable films like “Ordinary People,” “Chariots of Fire” and “Out of Africa.”

The Academy needs to do what it does best (slightly bore audiences rather than alienate them) and shape up for 2012. They also need to finally realize that they should continue to take risks in what to award and nominate. Last year’s winner, the Iraq War drama “The Hurt Locker,” is a 180-degree turn from this year’s winner. And for the love of god, find some bearable hosts and stay away from the auto-tune effects!