WOMEN’S BASKETBALL PLAYERS RECRUITED FOR MEN’S TEAM

With another season in the basement of the Big East and another unceremonious first-round exit from the NIT tournament, DePaul’s men’s basketball is looking for a change of pace. Men’s basketball head coach Oliver Purnell thinks this can happen with a change of gender.

In an unprecedented move, Purnell and DePaul Men’s Basketball today announced they would scout players on the DePaul Women’s Basketball team in their search for next year’s new recruits. After missing out on blue chip recruit Jabari Parker – who named DePaul as one of his potential schools, but ended up verbally committing to Duke – the Blue Demons need all the help they can get, and they’re hoping to finish strong in next year’s restructured Big East.

The Lady Demons, meanwhile, were selected for this year’s NCAA tournament for the 11th straight time. While the official NCAA basketball rules for 2012-13 have different rules for men’s and women’s play, there is no specific rule that prohibits co-ed teams.

“It only makes sense that we’d look for talent close to home,” said Purnell. “I mean, they already know where the bathrooms are and everything.”

Though the women’s team is losing star seniors Anna Martin and Katherine Harry, more than half the team is returning next year, including sophomore standout Brittany Hrynko. Hrynko is on the short list of women’s team members who could cross over to the men’s team, Purnell said. “When you look at what she brings to the table, as a player, it’s clear that she’s the full package,” said Purnell. “Not that she has a package, but, you know what I mean.”

Women’s basketball head coach Doug Bruno was skeptical of the recruitment technique. “I’m all for strengthening the men’s program, but why does it have to be at the expense of the women’s?” asked Bruno. “This also means I’ll have to double my recruitment efforts. Who knows, maybe I’ll have to start recruiting men!”

DePaul athletic director Jean Lenti Ponsetto, who earned DePaul’s first female sports scholarship and played on the women’s basketball team when she was a student, said she fully approved of the decision. “Frankly, it’s about time someone broke the gender barrier in men’s sports,” said Ponsetto.

However, not all are happy with the idea of a co-ed basketball team. “I just don’t get it, man,” said a DePaul men’s basketball player, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “Women and men, together? It’s just not natural.”

ξ

This article is an April Fool’s joke, and all quotes, happenings, and events in the article are entirely fabricated and false. But you did a double take, right?

ξ