Mothers have gone through hell. Most have given birth, changed dirty diapers, fed their children and turned them into the responsible, caring, intelligent people that they have become, and they get one day of the year to be appreciated for all of this. How should they be repaid? With presents of course.

A piece of jewelry, some pretty flowers, home decor, anything homemade — all of these are bound to be reciprocated with a big smile (and possibly some happy tears).

But there are some massive mistakes that can be made when getting gifts for mothers.

Purchasing any of these items may result in severe eye rolling, a slap on the arm, a frown of disapproval, or, in extreme cases, disownment.

Without further ado, here are some of the top four gifts not to buy your mom this Mother’s Day.

Parenting books

It’s pretty easy to see why this is a horrendous gift idea. The last thing any mom wants to hear is that she is a bad mother. Many moms pride themselves solely on the success of their children, and receiving this book from their child (even as a joke) would break her heart. If it was a joke, she would likely feel as though it was a subtle jab at her parenting skills. If not, she would be heartbroken and devastated. In short, stay away from anything that denotes her parenting skills or blatantly says “hey, you’re a bad mom.”

Yodeling pickle

The Yodeling Pickle is exactly what it sounds like: a plastic pickle that emits loud yodeling noises at the push of a button. It’s perfect for, well, absolutely nothing. There are two major problems with this product (along with millions of minor ones); the first is that it disrespects the beauty of a perfectly salt-brined cucumber and taints its appeal with obnoxious screeches that will make your ears bleed. The second is that she may end up actually liking it, finding some sort of mom-esque humor in such a mind-numbingly useless toy, resulting in the extreme discomfort for literally everyone around her.

Pizza Hut-scented perfume

Unfortunately, Pizza Hut-scented perfume is 100 percent real. Not only is this super gross, because who wants to smell like obscenely-greasy pizza and middle-aged delivery drivers? But it’s flat-out pointless. All it will do is attract Pizza Hut-aholics to your mother out in public, causing an uncomfortable situation for all parties involved. The only scenario in which it is acceptable to buy this for your mother is if you pair it with Burger King breath mints and KFC antiperspirant, so she can finally fulfill her dream of smelling like a crusty strip-mall food court.

An IOU

Perhaps the worst gift idea of all, an I.O.U. makes it seem like you didn’t even try to think of a good gift to give her. Basically, it’s the lazy way out of buying your mom a gift. A piece of paper that says you owe your mom a present will result in one of two things: your mom will roll her eyes, throw it away and feel disappointed by your lack of effort and affection, or she will bug you about the gift you owe her. An I.O.U. is a lose-lose situation, so just get your mom a gift. After all, it’s Mother’s Day — the perfect opportunity to show your mom how much you love and appreciate her.