This is an open letter to everyone who is unsure or unaware of FEST 2013: Educate yourself because this year everyone is leaving satisfied.

If you hate mainstream artists like Drake, Usher, Justin Bieber, Beyonce, Chris Brown, Bruno Mars, Britney Spears or Lil Wayne, maybe you love M.I.A.

Can’t get into M.I.A.? No problem.

Maybe Yelawolf sounded good for the line up. Do you also like Wale and Mac Miller?

That’s cool.

Hey, we heard Robyn and Santigold sounds good too. Maybe even Marina and the Diamonds and No Doubt gets you excited. No? Well, Radiohead’s kind of a big deal. Everyone keeps talking about Dillon Francis and Skrillex, and what is EDM and who is Snoop Lion?

Diplo is the answer.

From YouTube sensation Baauer, featured on Diplo’s “Mad Decent” label, to Snoop Lion, the Rastafri reincarnation of the artist formerly known as Snoop Dogg but a million blunts later, Diplo has produced for all of these artists and continues to upset the status quo of music with Major Lazer, a modern dancehall project he performs under with DJs Jillionaire and Walshy Fire.

“(Diplo’s) shows are so versatile in terms of music selection and genre that, even if you’re not a big fan of dance music, you will still hear familiar songs and surely enjoy the show he puts on,” said Kevin Przychodni, 23, a communication and media studies student.

Shows include a ravenous and diverse set of fans that grind and gyrate to flashing lights, upbeat remixes, flawless transitions and an unlimited supply of free red and green vuvuzelas. Inflatable human-sized hamster balls roll through the crowd, with Diplo laughing and falling on top of half-naked people that have already stripped their shirts off in sacrifice to his orders,

“Everyone take your shirts off. I mean it, everyone take your shirts off and spin them in the air.”

In five words or less, the entire crowd goes mad as Diplo joins the moment by stripping off his suit and tie.

“Just the fact that my friends and I, who are like on the verge of being hardcore feminist, have and will subsequently again, take off our shirts with no shame, should speak to how Diplo does an amazing job of making all kinds of people feel liberated and transcended into his music,” said Jackelin Herrera, 21, an interactive media student at DePaul.

Diplo’s own tracks span the gamut of music and have no place in orderly genres of traditional noise.

A performance can start off with a track like, “Get Free,” that has a melodic caress and deliberate slowness to it, and still play against “Set it off;” music that features a video with athletic-grade strippers slowly gripping and dancing against a pole that leads to infinitum. 

“I’m not about the hyper and synthetic feel that electro music gives off . . . I know some people want to party till they die though and Diplo, from what I’ve heard, fits into that mindset,” said Taj Simmons, 21, journalism student.

Just in case you are still mistaken by the notion that FEST 2013 will be a place to sit and relax, Diplo will surely remind everyone that there is no place for sense and dignity here. Leave it at home, because like it or not, we all end up in a place called ‘Express Yourself,” that will have you hands down, feet up, and in a fit of rhythmic hysteria faster than a bass drop.

Featured in the video for the song and most notably lining the walls of Diplo’s Instagram and Twitter-feed, twerking has most recently lit up Twitter with pro-“twerk” derelicts protesting under hashtags like “#expelyourself” and “#freethetwerkteam,” a viral response to the dereliction at Scripps Ranch High School where 33 San Diego students were suspended after filming a rap/twerk video with school equipment.

If you are still on the fence, somewhere between maybe and delusional and refusing this letter of great advice and sass, FEST 2013 will still be open to anyone that did not get their tickets in time. If not to express feelings of deep regret, then to at least reflect on your life and why you believed that Diplo, Minus the Bear, Yelawolf and Dillon Francis at after hours was not for you.

After having fallen under this inexplicable hypnosis, after you have far surpassed your fragile receptors’ tolerance to emotion, the resin that has secreted from the experience might lead you to look upon those lonely souls and wonder why someone deprive themselves the hypnotic pleasure of Fest 2013.

Abandon your preconceptions and doubts and surrender yourself to the experience.